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Our Tiny, Useless Hearts

Our Tiny, Useless Hearts

Toni Jordan

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  • awardShortlisted, Voss Literary Prize, 2017
  • awardLonglisted, International Dublin Literary Award, Ireland, 2018
  • Henry has ended his marriage to Caroline and headed off to Noosa with Mercedes’ grade three teacher, Martha.

    Caroline, having shredded a wardrobe-full of Henry’s suits, has gone after them.

    Craig and Lesley have dropped over briefly from next door to catch up on the fallout from Henry and Caroline’s all-night row.

    And Janice, Caroline’s sister, is staying for the weekend to look after the girls because Janice is the sensible one. A microbiologist with a job she loves, a fervent belief in the beauty of the scientific method and a determination to make a solo life after her divorce from Alec.

    Then Craig returns through the bedroom window expecting a tryst with Caroline and finds Janice in her bed, Lesley storms in with a jealous heart and a mouthful of threats, Henry, Caroline and Martha arrive back from the airport in separate taxis—and let’s not even get started on Brayden the pizza guy.

    Janice can cope with all that. But when Alec knocks on the door things suddenly get complicated. 

    Harnessing the exquisite timing of the great comedies to the narrative power and emotional intelligence for which she is famous, Toni Jordan brings all her wit, wisdom and flair to this brilliant, hilarious novel.


    ‘Toni Jordan, Anna Karenina and Our Tiny, Useless Hearts.’ Toni Jordan at the Text blog
    ‘Farce, In and Out of the Bedroom.’ Toni Jordan at the Wheeler Centre


    Listen to Toni’s interview with Booktopia on Soundcloud.


    Alpha Reader


    Read an extract from Our Tiny, Useless Hearts on our blog. 

    Toni Jordan
    About the Author

    Toni Jordan is the author of four novels. The international bestseller Addition was a Richard and Judy Bookclub pick and was longlisted for the Miles Franklin Literary Award. Fall Girl was published internationally and has been optioned for film, and Nine Days was awarded Best Fiction at the 2012 Indie Awards, was shortlisted for the ABIA Best...

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    Text publication date:
    3 January 2017
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    Praise for Toni Jordan
    andOur Tiny, Useless Hearts

    ‘A new Toni Jordan is always a special pleasure and her latest is a wonderful, witty treat of a novel: cutting and clever, and yet so very romantic, as though P. G. Wodehouse had satirised life in the suburbs.’

    ‘Laugh-out-loud funny, yet with real emotion at its core, this is a sexy-smart rom-com about love and marriage…I loved it.’

    ‘Crisp and clever…Jordan doesn’t cheat readers on the romance, either – conjuring a flawless but vividly rendered romantic hero and a love story that feels fresh and sexy.’

    ‘A concoction of robust jokes, observations both profound and pat and a very nice visual humour, Our Tiny, Useless Hearts rips along.’

    ‘An enjoyable romp full of bed-swapping antics, lies and subterfuge…Full of wit and sparkle…In between the hilarious coupling shenanigans the novel is a clever suburban satire and a sly nod to Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina.’

    ‘That Toni Jordan’s new novel manages to be a full-length fiction that simultaneously operates as a hugely enjoyable farce and an emotionally rich domestic drama is a testament to her skills as a writer and the charm of her voice.’

    ‘Farce entertains through exaggerated and improbable situations and Jordan has nailed that sentiment in this novel.’

    ‘Toni Jordan is in that small group of novelists who can write smart, character- and situation-driven humour, which is to say laugh-out-loud comedy: take Our Tiny, Useless Hearts to the beach.’

    ‘I hope romance readers of Australia are like me and have found their way to their hot, biting observations of the ups and downs of love.’

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